Ask or tell?
Direct instructions work best. Tell him what to do, firmly, as though you expect him to automatically obey. There shouldn’t be any doubt or wavering. There should be no concern that what you’re asking him might be difficult for him. If a puppyman will find something too hard or distressing, he will let you know.
Should I not use “please” and “thank you”?
No. A puppyman feels most comfortable when he knows his place within a broader hierarchy, being at heart a pack animal. This hierarchy consists of himself and other men low down on the scale, and women, especially you, ranked far above him.
The use of the words “please” and “thank you” elevate him within that hierarchy in a way that isn’t comfortable for him. When requested to do something, rather than instructed, he finds himself having to make a choice, which is something he doesn’t have the intellect to contend with.
So why does he sometimes disobey me?
There are two main reasons for this:
1) Almost all disobedience in puppymen is due to feeling out of place within the hierarchy of your relationship. If you have presented him with requests rather than instructions, or thanked him for something, or wavered in your resolution when telling him what you expect of him, he will become confused about his role. You are his world, and he looks to you to be a guiding hand, defining right and wrong for him. If it seems that you’re not sure of yourself, he will cease to feel safe. He will then attempt to kick at the boundaries you set for him, hoping that you will re-assert them and remind him of his place.
2) The other reason for disobedience is plain rebellion. How this should be handled it very much up to the individual owner. Some find it an intolerable infraction, to be handled strictly, yet many find it to be a charming expression of the puppyman’s wilfulness and inner spirit. Be assured, however, that your small man will only exhibit this form of playful rebellion if he feels very safe within the boundaries you have set for him, so you could look upon this behaviour as evidence of a job well done!
Recognising the difference between the two forms of disobedience is something most owners learn over time. Many report an identifiable sparkle in their pet’s eye when they’re exhibiting the more playful form of rebellion, whereas the former type can be identified by the presence of a sullen mood in your pet.
How best should I let him know that he’s doing well, or not?
Complex value judgements are beyond the intellectual ability of puppymen. We would suggest telling him that he is a ‘good boy’ when he’s obeyed you and is behaving as you would like, or you could even stroke his hair as a way of communicating the same message. Of course if you’re busy, he can live without positive reinforce from time to time.
Alternatively if he’s fallen short in his performance, you should point out in what way his behaviour was not good enough. If he is doing something that you disapprove of, it is important that you tell him that he is being naughty or bad, so he has a clear sense of what he needs to do differently.
How best should I punish my pet?
Punishment of small men can take many forms, and there are no hard and fast rules. Many women avoid the use of excessive violence towards their pets, for they are, after all, fragile creatures. It’s worth remembering that your puppyman, while he may fear you, adores you entirely, and would rather be close to you than anywhere else. Therefore the following make excellent punishments / behaviour modification techniques:
- Order him to sit in the corner, or in another room
- Insist that he sits and sleeps on the floor / forbid him from all furniture
- Withhold affection, including not allowing him to touch you
- Forbid him from looking you in the eye
- Forbid him from speaking unless spoken to
